Heath, The Ultimate Joker

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 82

#406- "I'm not sure what the client wants, so let's try and do something the client will buy."
(Agency, Senior Account Executive to Copywriter)

#407- "Did you set the new portfolio content? How many pages we need to add to the old version?" - "I first need to get the new text to know how much space this text will takes to tell you how many more pages we will need" - "Just put some random text and tell me, don't make me loose my time."
(Agency, Boss to Freelancer)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 81

#406- "Well, I still think it’s a gray area. Remember that our customers are unsophisticated. They’ll read it, think it’s mistake and it’ll make us look bad. Put the quotes back in."
(Client, to Account Supervisor after being shown citations from both the Chicago Manual of Style and the AP Stylebook about not using quotation marks at the end of a paragraph when the quote continues into the next paragraph)

#405- "We're not going to do a brief because the project was already briefed past week."
(Agency, Account Executive after an Art Director had to take care of a project instead of his ill colleague)

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 80

#404- "Yeah, We don't like the orange color. Can't we just fade red into the yellow?"
(Client, giving direction to Designer)

#403- "We love it, but take out the bears (it was all bears) and it needs to be 80% white space and less busy, but we love it as is."
(Client to post production Art Director)

#402- "I see orange as between, like, yellow and red."
(Third-party Designer explaining his color choice for a logo)

#401- "Let's systematize this into a structure."
(Agency, Creative Director to Project Manager, just after coming up with brand new creative concept)

#400- "Summarising: you have to come up with three 30 sec. film scripts with all those benefits that I told you about. But before you do that, please send me few sentences of what you are going to come up with so I can send it to the Client as he has to get used to what you are going to come up with."
(Agency, Account Executive to Creative Director)

Friday, February 02, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 79

#399- "Why don't we cast a 50-year old that looks like 38?"
(Client and Art Director disagree on how old the model should be. Account Executive comes up with brilliant compromise)

#398- "We don't like this line. It's advertising language"
(Memo from client's advertising department to advertising agency about copy for an advertisement)

#397- "We really like working with you, so lets try not to get lawyers involved"
(Client, President to Freelance Graphic Designer)

#396- "You can’t say no, you’re the agency"
(Client, to Account Supervisor, when he asked that it’s okay to ask for what they want 100% of the time and just be ready to be told ´no´)

Thursday, February 01, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 78

#395-"I'm good at what I do, but I don't necessarily know what I am doing"
(Client, regarding their position at their company)

#394-"Just because I approved something doesn't mean you can hold it in my face!"
(Comment by client, to Agency President and Project Manager who were defending the fact that client's site was built following the approved information architecture)

#393-"Please rewrite the letter so that it will yield less response, as our call center is understaffed."
(Client memo to Agency)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 77

#392- "Adapt concept to billboard, 40 feet by 60 feet. For presentation, please make actual-sized mock-up"
(Agency, Job order of young Account Manager to Art Director)

#391- "Overall, I am not ready to produce this TV commercial..."
(Client, On seeing concept board with one frame on it)

#390- "Note that we kept the colors of the set and props a golden yellow, in keeping with the brand color" - "But what's that square blue thing? Oh my God, you forgot to make that yellow!" - "Uh, it's the window. The blue thing is the sky" - "But we agreed, everything should be a golden yellow. That means even the sky!"
(Client to Producer, at the presentation of the offline edit of TV spot)

#389- "The reflections in the water should be at angle opposite to the sun" - "Um, no. The SHADOWS of objects would be at an angle away from the sun, but a reflection is always perpendicular to the reflective surface" - "No, you're wrong. Go back and point all the reflections away from the sun." - "Well, that would start to look kind of strange. Say, I have a small mirror at my desk; let me go get it so I can show you what I mean..." - "Don't get difficult with me!"
(Conversation with Client, looking at a Photoshop image)

Friday, January 26, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 76

#388- "And of course, it would be especially nice if they could meet these super-human demands and not charge us"
(Client, to Account Executive)

#387- "Let's open up the text box more to alleviate the bad text ´raping´"
(Agency, email from Associate Creative Director to Creative team, attempting to comment on text wrapping)

#386- "I know you guys don't like to steal creative work, but sometimes the best ideas come from other places"
(Agency, same Associate Creative Director, trying to get his Creative team to copy a Volkswagen banner)

#385- "Add a roll-over state. People love roll-overs" - "Well, if that's the case, why don't we add puppies to the ad? Because everyone loves puppies"
(Agency, same Associate Creative Director to Copywriter, asking to add unnecessary fluff to a basic banner)

#384- "Overall, it's a great ad. But I don't like the headline, and I don't like the layout" - "What do you like? The border?" - "Well...yes"
(Conversation between Client and Agency)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 75

#383- "It needs to EXPLODE off the page! It needs FIREWORKS and COLOR! LOTS of colors! And exclamation points! Be creative. I could have done what you sent me on my own computer. The 14pt type is so small. I mean, you guys are the experts..."
(Hospital client, reacting to a double-truck newspaper ad celebrating being chosen ´Reader’s Choice´ for hospitals in a conference call to the AE, CD, AD and CW)

#382- "How did you change the TV channel on the brochure cover?"
(Client, referring to Photoshop work performed on a stock photo)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 74

#381- "If I give you approval, what can I still change?"
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#380- "Can we hear it before you record it?"
(Client, to agency creative team working on a radio spot)

#379- "For simplicity's sake, we ripped off a few things"
(Client, to design agency, regarding their website)

#378- "The quality of our artwork is pretty good."
(Client, regarding the eyesore that is their website)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 73

#377- "We need a giant steam head rising above the booth" - "Why?" - "Because people love steam. They’re drawn to it. It’s the power and magic of steam I’m talking about here!"
(Client, to Agency President)

#376- "The photography on our current site suffers from what I like to call the 'Ritz Effect'... too many crackers..."
(Client, talking to designer and project manager about lack of diverstiy in the photos on their current site)

#375- "I was wondering if you would be able to give me a $10 CPM?" - "Well, can you tell me who some of your clients are?" - "How can I get any clients if I don’t have a $10 CPM?"
(Agency, Media Planner talking to a Media Sales Rep)

#374- "I need a banner with a dynamic looking basketball, but it can't look like a basketball. It needs to look like a volleyball too."
(Agency, Account executive to graphic designer)