Heath, The Ultimate Joker

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 71

#367- "I know there are a lot of typos, but your budget didn’t cover QC"
(Post Production Account rep to client, as told to competing studio manager)

#366- "We have 4 shots of this product, but don't spend any time on it..."
(Agency, Art director to photographer)

#365- "When can I see the draft of the event report for the newsletter?" - "End of next Monday?" - "No. I want it today. I need to show it to my boss to get his approval" - "Er... but the event's this Friday. So I can't interview guests for their comments and do a report of the event until the event happens right?" - "I don't care. I want the draft by the end of today. This the way we always work. Other agencies have done this for us before. So why can't you?"
(Conversation between Client and Copywriter)

#364- "I don't like green. Can we change it?"
(Client, Account Director to Art Director, personally unhappy with the colour of giant multinational coffee chain logo)

#363- "Don't worry, this project is really just a graphic design exercise, it doesn't require any real thinking or anything"
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 70

#362- "Alright, I just sent Bob to go get those girls for the commercial!"
(Client, to Commercial Director in reference sending one of his employees to fetch the scantily clad middle school-aged girls seen walking across the street)

#361- "The spot is great except for the graphics and colors" - "But we duplicated the graphics and colors from your tri-fold, website and menu" - "Yes, we don't like those"
(Client, to Account Executive in reference to TV commercial sent out for approval)

#360- "Please add a watermarked graphic or clip art to the inside of the brochure. A heartstring pulling stock photo? Or maybe a cityscape? Not sure what would work best..."
(Client, to Designer about brochure revisions)

#359- "Logo needs to be bigger on the front page, so it can be seen across a room if in a brochure stand"
(Same client, to same Designer about same brochure revisions)

Sunday, December 17, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 69

#358- "That cover is too hip for the room."
(Client, giving feedback about a brochure cover for a church)

- "You need to add a a line on the cover of the invitation that says how to open it" - "Huh? But its a tri-fold.... How do they not know how to open it?" - "The client can’t figure out how to open it. Just add ‘open here, moron’"
(Agency, between Art Director and Associate Creative Director regarding client revision request)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 68

#356- "But surely, when you get rid of the palm tree fronds, the reflection of the palm tree fronds on the car will disappear too."
(Agency, Account Manager, when told that the ‘simple’ job of digitally removing something from a car shot wasn’t as simple as they thought.)

#355- "I know the globe is in our logo but we are not a global company so the only globe should be the one in our logo."
(Client feedback)

#354- "I’m at home trying to deciding if I’ll give you negative marks on your review for those biscuit lips."
(Agency, Creative Director poking fun at an Account Manager’s cold sores)

- "How do you print screen?" - "Alt-Print Screen." - "So, how long does it take to print?"
(Agency, Account Manager)

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 67

#352- "How can I put the link on my desktop when you know I only have a laptop?"
(IT Client to Agency)

#351- "The client has given us FINAL approval, but asked if we could change one small thing."
(Agency, Project Manager to Art Director)

#350- "But tell me one thing, why have you not been paid till now???"
(Client, Finance Manager when being followed up on payment that was due.)

- "I will contact the artist, what is his name?" - "Vincent Van Gogh" - "Ok, I will call him and get his approval."
(Agency, Account Executive to Art Director on being told that ´Sunflowers´ cannot be used in the layout because of copyright issues)

Friday, December 08, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 66

#348- "It's too Jewish."
(Conversation with Jewish client reviewing the Jewish themed ad for their Synagogue's newsletter.)

#347- "I hate these colors. These are not the colors you showed us in the design comps."
(Conversation between Client and Account Executive upon seeing the printer's blue line proofs.)

#346- "We love option 1. It is by far the cleanest one. We'd just like to add some contact information. Just the Call to Action, Website and our partner's logos. You are the artists. Just do your thing so it doesn't look like too much information. Gosh, I love it! It's so clean!"
(Client, Advertising Coordinator to Agency Account Supervisor, making comments on a what was intending to be a clean Billboard art.)

- "Oh, they must want those secret magic words that mean four things at once."
(Agency, Copywriter to Account Manager, discussing client comments)

#344- "Just shut-up. Nobody likes an asshole." "I dunno, some women like assholes."
(Agency, Account manager to Copywriter)

#343- "Why not fold this up until it has sharp corners and shove it up your stupid trade school bum."
(Agency, Associate Creative Director to Designer)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 65

#342- "Can you make the URL resemble a web link? You know, underlined in blue. That way everyone knows it's for our web site."
(Client, to Account Manager, describing the URL at the bottom of a print ad)

- "It’s simple really: I want you to come up with something that’s never been done before; something that touches hearts and minds all around the world. Oh, and I need it by 11 tomorrow morning."
(Agency, Marketing Director to Creative eam)

- "What's a linking URL?"
(Agency, interactive Media Planner to Traffic)

#339- "This logo needs to be extremely high end." - "So like Ralph Lauren black label?" - "Higher-but don't spend more than 3 hours on it, it's not that important."
(Agency, VP to Creative Director regarding a logo for a golf outing)

#338- "The ad looks great, but I can’t hear it." - "Have you tried adjusting the volume?" - "Oh, that’s much better."
(Client, on a phone call giving feedback to Avid Editor)

#337- "How dare you! You know I hate banjo!"
(Agency, Creative Director to Music Producer upon arriving at a recording session an hour late)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 64

#336- "I really like it, but can you make the type a darker white so it shows up more?""
(Client, to Art Director)

#335- "What do you mean this is a four color job? I don't want four colors, we are paying for all of the colors and by God I want all of the colors."
(Client, Marketing Manager to agency Art Director)

#334- "This african american is too dark. Can we use someone more racially vague?"
(Client, to Account Director and Creative, discussing photography for a direct mail brochure)

#333- "That black guy doesn’t look ethnic - can we get a real black guy?"
(Client, comment about a photo of an African American man)

Monday, December 04, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 63

#332- "It´s all ok. good looking, nice layout, modern, right concept, but… my appreciation about the communication is: the black is too dark, and the red is too bloody."
(Client, Product Manager, giving feedback to Creative Director)

#331- "I'll fax our logo over right now and you can use that in the ad."
(Client in email response to designer's request for a camera-ready logo)

#330- "Where's that manager? ...what´s his name?" - "Ron?" - "Yes! The fat one!"
(Agency, Creative Director to Graphic Designer on whereabouts of Studio Manager)

#329- "Don't worry about the talent's wardrobe sizes. I don't want to bother them anymore. Besides, there are lot's of places to buy clothes near the shoot."
(Agency, Account Executive to Art Director)