Heath, The Ultimate Joker

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 77

#392- "Adapt concept to billboard, 40 feet by 60 feet. For presentation, please make actual-sized mock-up"
(Agency, Job order of young Account Manager to Art Director)

#391- "Overall, I am not ready to produce this TV commercial..."
(Client, On seeing concept board with one frame on it)

#390- "Note that we kept the colors of the set and props a golden yellow, in keeping with the brand color" - "But what's that square blue thing? Oh my God, you forgot to make that yellow!" - "Uh, it's the window. The blue thing is the sky" - "But we agreed, everything should be a golden yellow. That means even the sky!"
(Client to Producer, at the presentation of the offline edit of TV spot)

#389- "The reflections in the water should be at angle opposite to the sun" - "Um, no. The SHADOWS of objects would be at an angle away from the sun, but a reflection is always perpendicular to the reflective surface" - "No, you're wrong. Go back and point all the reflections away from the sun." - "Well, that would start to look kind of strange. Say, I have a small mirror at my desk; let me go get it so I can show you what I mean..." - "Don't get difficult with me!"
(Conversation with Client, looking at a Photoshop image)

Friday, January 26, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 76

#388- "And of course, it would be especially nice if they could meet these super-human demands and not charge us"
(Client, to Account Executive)

#387- "Let's open up the text box more to alleviate the bad text ´raping´"
(Agency, email from Associate Creative Director to Creative team, attempting to comment on text wrapping)

#386- "I know you guys don't like to steal creative work, but sometimes the best ideas come from other places"
(Agency, same Associate Creative Director, trying to get his Creative team to copy a Volkswagen banner)

#385- "Add a roll-over state. People love roll-overs" - "Well, if that's the case, why don't we add puppies to the ad? Because everyone loves puppies"
(Agency, same Associate Creative Director to Copywriter, asking to add unnecessary fluff to a basic banner)

#384- "Overall, it's a great ad. But I don't like the headline, and I don't like the layout" - "What do you like? The border?" - "Well...yes"
(Conversation between Client and Agency)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 75

#383- "It needs to EXPLODE off the page! It needs FIREWORKS and COLOR! LOTS of colors! And exclamation points! Be creative. I could have done what you sent me on my own computer. The 14pt type is so small. I mean, you guys are the experts..."
(Hospital client, reacting to a double-truck newspaper ad celebrating being chosen ´Reader’s Choice´ for hospitals in a conference call to the AE, CD, AD and CW)

#382- "How did you change the TV channel on the brochure cover?"
(Client, referring to Photoshop work performed on a stock photo)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 74

#381- "If I give you approval, what can I still change?"
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#380- "Can we hear it before you record it?"
(Client, to agency creative team working on a radio spot)

#379- "For simplicity's sake, we ripped off a few things"
(Client, to design agency, regarding their website)

#378- "The quality of our artwork is pretty good."
(Client, regarding the eyesore that is their website)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 73

#377- "We need a giant steam head rising above the booth" - "Why?" - "Because people love steam. They’re drawn to it. It’s the power and magic of steam I’m talking about here!"
(Client, to Agency President)

#376- "The photography on our current site suffers from what I like to call the 'Ritz Effect'... too many crackers..."
(Client, talking to designer and project manager about lack of diverstiy in the photos on their current site)

#375- "I was wondering if you would be able to give me a $10 CPM?" - "Well, can you tell me who some of your clients are?" - "How can I get any clients if I don’t have a $10 CPM?"
(Agency, Media Planner talking to a Media Sales Rep)

#374- "I need a banner with a dynamic looking basketball, but it can't look like a basketball. It needs to look like a volleyball too."
(Agency, Account executive to graphic designer)

Saturday, January 06, 2007

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 72

#373- "I thought it best to get the agency started on the project. I met with Al, Todd, Joleen, Mike and some copywriter"
(Client meeting report)

#372- "Can you work up some type of ad. I think we'd probably gain mostly checking and savings accounts as well as loans. So it should be pretty general, but specific."
(Client email to Account Executive)

#371- "The client wants the image moved over a little more" - "Ok, about how many pixels?" - "I don't know what a pixel is. I can only think in inches..."
(Agency, Project Manager to Graphic Designer regarding a simple change)

#370- "I want you to surprise me with something I've never seen before - I want you to invent the wheel, just visually"
(Agency, Creative director to designer finishing a brochure, first week at her new job. Then he left for a party)

#369- "I need the background to be transparent. I have some transparencies that you can scan so you can have a transparent layer in Photoshop."
(Agency, Boss offering help to bewildered designer)

#368- "Man, my head REALLY hurts. This working all day thing is killing me" - "Yeah... but its only 4:30 pm"
(Agency, conversation between Art Director and Copywriter)