Heath, The Ultimate Joker

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 62

#328- "Final Changes: please make sure our logo´s and pictures can´t be saved or copied off the website." - "It is not possible! If they don't want to share they should not be on the web."
(Conversation between Client and Account Executive)

#327- "This flyer is URGENT. I don't know how you do it but just do it so it fits an envelope. Just like the one I'm holding now".
(Client, Trade Marketing Coordinator to Account Supervisor... on a phone conversation)

#326- "Their eagle soars more than our eagle"
(Client to Agency when comparing an eagle from a competitor's TV spot with their own)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 61

#325- "What copy should I use?" - "Just do some of that fluff that you do."
(Agency Creative Director)

#324- "It's already a pizza, now with what the client is asking for, it'll make it an all-dressed pizza!"
(Agency, Project Manager to his Director of Production)

#323- "OK people, who's got the shovel? Because we're knee deep in it!"
(Agency, same Project Manager to his Production Team)

#322- "I just need this to get into Communications Arts."
(Creative Director to designers, weekly)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 60

#321- "Can you adjust the leading on the headline?" - "No, the font comes like that."
(Agency, Art Director's reply to Account Manager)

#320- "I need awards! get me awards! If you don't get me awards, otherwise I will make sure you get fired before I do."
(Client, Marketing Manager to Agency Account Director)

#319- "Why do we need to code the website? Can't you just export from Microsoft Word?"
(Agency, Chairman of Internet Company to Web Developer)

Monday, November 20, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 59

#318- "The girls in that car are too young, not saying I wouldn´t want to be in there with them, I just don´t think the client would."
(Agency CEO to Designer)

#317- "Uh oh, the sleeves printed over the weekend... Was the change a significant one?"
(Agency, Account Manager to Designer after a significant redesign)

#316- "That new photographer really did a great job on that light, but maybe just maybe we have to think on how we can make him work more in the style of the photographer we used before, i don’t know you know I’m not an expert, but still"
(Agency, Art Director to Traffic Manager)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 58

#315- "So that's the concept and the site name. What are your thoughts?" - "I am just trying to imagine a logo with a name that long" - "Don't worry about it son, we'll leave that up to the designers"
(Agency, conversation between CEO and Lead Designer)

#314- "I don't want any of you in here working on Thanksgiving Day."
(Agency, Creative Director, thinking he's being generous)

#313- "My sky is not as blue as my competitors' sky!"
(Client, after viewing his commercial)

#312- "I need to speak to the Chairman." - "You can't, he's out on an unbreakable out of agency commitment." - "Huh?" - "OK, don't tell anyone, he's playing golf with his brother."
(Agency, conversation between Creative and Chairman´s PA)

#311- "This all looks nice, but I'm not sure about the color or the way it's all put on the page. Here are some fabric swatches and some photos of the artwork we just redid our living room with... this is really more what I think we're going for here. But what you did was nice too!"
(Client feedback)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 57

#310- "We need this to look really amazing - it's really got to stand outand wow the client. But the budget is small so don´t spend any time working on it."
(Agency, Account Manager to Designer)

#309- "I like this layout, but let me take it home and show my wife. She's the artist in the family."
(Client to Agency, about wife who was taking a painting class)

#308- "Can we remove the french things on the word 'resume'?"
(Client, Marketing Manager to Designer)

#307- "On the package: What is the PMS color of the hamburger?"
(Client to Creative Services)

#306- "This is great, but I'd really like it with a big, black violator. I've used them in the past and they really get the point across."
(Client to Art Director)

#305- "Please make the file in these specifications: full color vectorial PDF on CMYK"
(Agency, creative brief from Project Manager)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 56

#304- "When someone's wife dies, you have to accept that the timeline my slip slightly"
(Agency Director to Client)

#303- "Of course you want it for yesterday! If you want it for today, you should order it TOMORROW!!!"
(Agency, Anonymous)

#302- "Could you possibly give us a design for the business card that's more like the one our CEO designed in PowerPoint?"
(Client, Marketing Director to Designer)

#301- "There's a lot of empty space in this ad, but I'm just not sure that the audience we are targeting is the empty-space audience."
(Agency, Account manager to Designer)

#300- "So, you can 'de-res-ify' these images?"
(Agency, Marketing co-ordinator to Designer regarding exporting lower resolution images)

#299- "Could you move our logo to the top of the poster? I mean... What if someone is standing in front of it?
(Client to Creative Director)

#298- "But they're in Canada... Can they even read an eps file?"
(Agency Owner to Art Director)

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 55

#297- "Can we see theplane more from above in that shot?"
(Creative Director speaking to an editor of a TV spot)

#296- "Let me be frank." - "Fine. Be Frank or be Jeff but pick one face and stick with it."
(Agency, Account Executive turning on creative after earlier praising the work)

#295- "Today's time management seminar has been cancelled due to a scheduling conflict for (Agency President)

#294- "I hate to tell you but that idea's been done before." - "I know, but it was in England. Nobody's done it here so it's not stealing."
(Agency, Anonymous)

#293- "Unfortunately, everything for E-Commerce is at the bottom of the barrel currently as we have other things that are a higher priority."
(Agency, Creative Director to E-Commerce Marketing Director in weekly Traffic meeting)

#292- "Well, I love the general feel but I rather expected to have photos instead of these scribbles."
(Client, on showing hand-visualised mock-up of brochure)

#291- "Look, we can't get the horse in the elevator!"
(Agency, Account Director to Client)

#290- "I want to put a burger joint on the moon"
(Fast Food Client to Account Director)

#289- "We need you to resize the Portuguese and Spanish versions." - "I don’t think I ever did a Spanish version. I mean, I remember doing one in Mexican..."
(Agency, Art Director talking to a Retoucher)

Friday, November 10, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 54

#288- "Although happy with the service, we are considering putting our media buying work out to pitch."

#287- "In the rest room , we face two challenges."
(Client, Brand Manager, on developing markets for cleaning products)

#286- "We need to make our demo reel in HD. Can you send the websites in HD format?" - "Websites are made for computer screens, not HD." - "Well you have the sources for our sites, can't you re-render them in HD?"
(Client, Director of Sales, to Concept Artist)

#285- "Can we add sound effects? People love sound effects!"
(Client to creative team, after being presented a radio campaign)

#284- "Hey, is 44 kb good?" - "No it's really small" - "I don't understand, it's large on my screen andwhen i open it up it says 300 pixels"
(Agency, Creative Director, confusing pixels with DPI)

#283- "Tell him it doesn’t snow at any of the Hawaii properties, but maybe we can do the same effect with molten lava spews.”
(Agency, Designer to Project Manager, after the client forwards a link to a snow animation on a holiday website)

#282- "This is 11x17 and in camera format. Please have the artist put in true jpg format: 8.5x11"
(Client to Account Executive in reference to a JPG image)

#281- "The good news is, you have the weekend to work."
(Agency, Traffic to Creative Team)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 53

#280- "Could you please make the thought bubbles in this ad more realistic?"
(Client to Designer)

#279- "Is ITV the number 3 on my remote control?" - "It depends how your TV is set up..."
(TV client asking a Media Planner)

#278- "Can you make it smaller, but bigger on screen?"
(Agency, Art director about logo on TV ad)

#277- "I like take 1 and 3"
(Client on hearing same v/o played 4 times)

#276- "Can you make the hamster look less ambitious? Can we minute that?"
(Client to Agency)

#275- "Those are sounds only dogs can hear."
(Agency, Creative Director to her team while discussing strategy)

#274- "I can't help you now. I have to go to a teamwork seminar."
(Agency, Account Executive to Creative Team in a moment of client-related crisis)

#273- "I have found that it is important to use a background media with little or no details or imagery"
(Client comments on a trade show booth)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 52

#272-"Next time you two are going to do something conceptual could you let me know?"
(Print producer to creative team)

#271-"Should we really be spending 2 million dollars on this if the world is going to end?
(Client to Agency about launching a website right before the year 2000)

#270-"How many weeks are in a 13 week cycle?"
(Account Executive to Producer)

#269-"The colors for the cars on my screen are not matching the brochures when I hold them up, you need to get them closer to the brochure."
(Client to Designer)

#268-"What country is Denver in?"
(Agency, Web intern comment)

#267-"Um, in terms of casting, we were thinking a little more... um... urban."
(Client to Agency regarding casting of African Americans)

#266-"That looks great. But can you make the shadow fuzzier and exactly 3% more transparent on all 145 versions ?"
(Online Editor, after tape has been fedexed to distribution network)

#265-"In a perfect world, if there was no Christmas, when could we launch?"
(Client to Creative Director complaining about the production schedule because time set aside for the holidays and agency/office closures conflicted with their desired in-market date)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 51

#264- "The door sign has 2 sides: the back side is identical with the frontside, only it has`Close` on the verso."
(Agency, extracted from a brief)

#263- "I'm not an Art Director! I can't fold paper!"
(Client, PR Consultant while looking at a brochure layout he downloaded from an ftp site in pdf files)

#262- "It's not important if people listen to radio or not, it's how they listen to radio that's important"
(Media Rep to Media Planner)

#261- "We want it to sound like a brick hitting a parachute."
(Client to Audio Producer)

#260- "Is black a color?"
(Client to designer)

#259- "Does white count as a color?"
(Client referring to white paper while looking at a brochure)

#258- "That’s nice, but what happened to the online extension of the blue key visual?" - "Uh, we… we didn’t do that one. We did the red key visual only, because blue pixels are heavier to download."
(Conversation between Client and Art Director)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 50

#257- "That is too costly, my budgets are lower... instead of 'daily' can't I have the ad on 'alternate days' that'll reduce my budget by half?"
(Client, Managing Director to Agency Media Planner)

#256- "I think you need to adjust the 'kerneling' on the body copy."
(Client to Agency, talking about the spacing in the body copy)

#255- "Yeah, just make something fresh and new. Something like Enigma."
(Agency, Online Account Executive briefing a sound designer for a web pitch)

#254- "This brochure needs to be more literal, at the bottom of each page of the brochure add the words, `Turn Page`"
(Client, Brand Manager)

#253- "I think translating this piece to another language is a great idea in the future, but can you translate the Greek to English when we print it?"
(Client, same Brand Manager in response to the Lorem Ipsum)

#252- "If you host my site on the world wide web, does that mean that anyone anywhere in the world will be able to see it or will I have to pay extra?"

#251- "Concept 1 is approved. Although why don't you show me something that incorporates concept 1 with concept 3 and uses the headline from concept 2? Make the logo bigger like in concept 2 and the copy larger from concept 3. You guys did a great job, you are right on target with concept 1."
(Client, Brand Manager)

Monday, November 06, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 49

#250- "I'm a channel agnostic" - "…a what? Oh, f... off with your stupid terms"
(Agency, Conversation between Media girl and Client)

#249- "All the tentacles of the communications octopus where in use"
(Agency, same Media girl)

#248- "I’ve raised it up the flagpole and rallied it again for London"
(Agency, same Media girl)

#247- "And even in absence of full ideas we should add 'delight' to the presentation where possible"
(Agency, same Media girl)

#246- "Let’s hit the media ´trifector´!"
(Agency, same Media girl meaning ´three awards in a row´)

#245- "We are zigging when the rest of the market is zagging..."

#244- "Sorry, that brief has fallen off the radar" - "This aint the f...ing cold war"
(Agency, Conversation between Account Executive and Client)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 48

#243- "Can you make the cursive font more cursive?"
(Client to Art Director)

#242- "Can you redesign the business cards in Microsoft Word so we can change the names ourselves?"
(Client to Designer)

#241- "One of the images you used shows too much teeth... and people are put off by too much teeth."
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

#240- "Here's a picture of the frontdoor of my house. I designed it myself, back in the seventies. Could you incorporate the design in our new site?"
(Client briefing the Designer)

#239- "I know the lead agency is working on a new logo and colors, but next meeting I would already like to show the client the design of the new site."
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

#238- "You can't really touch the placing of all the information on the screen, everything has been researched and tested already. We want you to decide on the colour of the lines and dividers. They can be dark blue or black or whatever. That's up to you."
(Client's brief to Designer)

#237- "What took you so long to deliver the site designs? Oh, you made the wholesite? Did I ask for HTML? And normally you deliver us photoshop-templates? Oh well, HTML or PSD, it's all the same for me."
(Client's Head of Internet to Agency)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 47

#236- "Net or gross? I don't know what net and gross mean."
(Media, Newspaper sales representative to a media planner re: rates)

#235- "We haven’t even done a brochure for America and you’re doing one for another country!"
(Client to the creative team after seeing a brochure layout with greeked copy)

#234- "Please call me in an hour… but I will not answer because I am in a meeting"
(Agency, Client Service Director to Client)

#233- "Aaahh…you can work in Corel?"
(Agency, Account Executive to Art Director)

#232- "She’s a great writer but she needs to figure out which is more important to her: this account or that family thing."
(Agency, Partner regarding a copywriter’s performance)

#231- "Can you print out all of the online elements? The client wants to see how the colors will really look to the user."
(Agency, Account service to online account service)

#230- "What is that search bar at the top of the page? Can we do that?"
(Client to agency about a mock-up of a website with Google search in the header bar)

Sunday, November 05, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 46

#229- "It's a 300kb .ai file, can I just send it by email?" - "We'd prefer a CD. The boss wants it in hi-res."
(Phone conversation between Designer and Client)

#228- "I want the site to look expensive and cheap at the same time."
(Client briefing)

#227- "I like the design but I think it ‘ll look better stripping all graphical elements, it ‘ll look more web 2.0-ish"
(Agency, Creative Director to Designer)

#226- "I think your gradient background is great but customers will understand a white one better"
(Client to Creative Director)

#225- "I have to present the site you designed this afternoon, can you print them A2 so I can give the client a good feel?"
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer, ignoring the fact that sites are designed 72 dpi)

#224- "I know our logo fucks up your design, but still put it in there. Big bigger than all other graphics"
(Client to Designer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 45

#223- "We need something that has never been done before. Find out how everybodyelse did it - and do that."
(Client, Brand Manager who wanted a promotion)

#222- "What's Garamond?"
(Editor in major publishing house to designer)

#221- "So the TV ad is going to be a cartoon?"
(Client, when reviewing storyboards)

#220- "We’re heading to the Grand Canyon. Has anyone ever gone down -Grand Canyon- in a helicopter?" - "No, but I’ve gone down on a donkey."
(Client and Agency, conference call discussing planning)

#219- "The voiceovers for the videos in German, English, French, Spanish and Italian are good, but the voices are all different! Can't we have them all done by the same guy?" - "And who do you want to do them? The Pope?"
(Client, giving feedback to Account Executive)

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 44

#218- "You have forum capitalized here. It should be lower case." - "Yes but it's our forum." - "But it's not the Forum in Rome, it's just a meeting." - "It's our convention to capitalize it, so please do so."
(Client speaking with Creative Director, after "reworking" body copy -per the Chicago style guide- of a print ad)

#217- "Well Susan, after all this time you know how we work." - "Jim, my name is Stacy."
(Agency, Creative Director to long time client)

#216- "This is great work, but is it all on our Summer Brew?" - "Yes it is! The assignment was for our Fall Beer." - "Oh, was that on the creative brief?"
(Client to Creative Director)

#215- "I like it because it's a no-brainer."
(Agency, Account person to creative team regarding conservative initial concept)

#214- "Will we still have these in the morning?"
(Client to Designer after the 7th copy change before sending the final copy to the printer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 43

#213- "The only requirement is that you stay within the corporate brand. We have a brand identity guide but it's old so don't go by that. Just go by what looks new."
(Client to Design Lead)

#212- "We don't need a full re-design of our website, we just want to change the look and feel to be more professional. You know new colors, photos, and change some of the graphical elements."
(Client to Designer)

#211- "Can you add a drop shadow or bevel to the logo?"
(Client to Designer)

#210- "We like the red/burgundy color of the logo - but can you make it a different shade of burgundy?"
(Client to Designer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 42

#209- "My wife just remodeled our family room in burgundy and gray, I reallyliked that. Let's use those colors for the annual report."
(Client, Executive Director, to Designer)

#208- "Well, it’s OK. It’s just that we just want mediocre advertising. We don’t really want to stand out."
(Client, to Agency Team concerning new branding campaign presented)

#207- "An ad doesn't have to be memorable to be good"
(Agency, Associate Creative Director to a client in an effort to submarine a junior team's workcompeting with his own)

#206- "Can I get a hi-res file of the money shot to forward to the client? Will this be too big to email? Thanks."
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

#205- "Don’t be so clever. Not everyone gets double endondas."
(Agency Owner to Copywriter)

#204- "It just hangs there like a useless tit."
(Agency, Account Executive commenting on font choice)

#203- "I’m the one who sets the priorities around here, and my stuff is always at the top of the list."
(Agency Owner to Designer)

Friday, November 03, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 41

#202- "I know the client's color is Process Blue, but I'm sick of blue, so don't use it!"
(Agency, Creative Director to designer)

#201- "Really... real-LY... REAL-ly... I'm not sure this word is doing it for me. Come up with a better word than 'really'."
(Agency, Senior Writer to Junior Writer)

#200- "Can you make the design 17% better?"
(Client, giving feedback to Account Executive)

#199- "The client loves your ad, she really does. She wanted me to tell you that. She just wants to change the visual and the headline."
(Agency, Account Executive to creative team)

#198- "When do you need the prints for?" - "We need this printed ASAP, but it's not like we need it tomorrow or anything."
(Client, answering to graphic designer question)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 40

#197- "These ads are all good. This one in particular is quite intriguing. But we’ve found that intrigue doesn’t work for us."
(Client, giving feedback)

#196- "We should not aim to be conceptual or creative."
(Agency, Account Executive on the brief)

#195- "This logo isn’t the right size." - "Well, I have the file open in Photoshop and the dimensions are correct." - "That can’t be right. I’m measuring it and it’s about an 1/8” too small." - "How are you measuring it?" - "I’m holding my ruler up to the monitor."
(Client and Agency, phone conversation reviewing a JPEG)

#194- "I don't think that's the colour of synergy"
(Agency, Senior Strategy VP to designer)

#193- "Is that Spanish?"
(Client, watching a draft with Lorem Ipsum placeholder text)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 39

#192- "I don't like these business shots. He looks too euro-faggy."
(Agency Owner to Creative)

#191- "Can we make the whites whiter?" - "Not really, its NTSC white is 255 255 255." - "Yes, but can we make the Whites Whiter?"

#190- "Please shoot me a JPEG of that font"
(Client, asking designer for fonts for his computer)

#189- "The website is not printing. I can't see it!" - "What do you mean it won't print? Wait, are you talking about your monitor?" - "Yes, my printer is not displaying it"
(Client, asking Interactive Head about printers, monitors, websites...)

#188- "We have to get him to close his mouth" - "Can't you just photostock it shut?"
(Agency, Dog handler suggesting that Art Director photoshop the mouth closed on a dog during a dog food shoot)

#187- "What does the Red Cross logo look like?"
(Client to designer for health services logo)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 38

#186- "You have to have the layout tomorrow." - "I never got the brief!" - "I told you about it on my way to the men's room."
(Agency, Account Executive to Creative)

#185- "They can't send you the website in Microsoft Word format because they use Macs."
(Client, acting as intermediary between designers)

#184- "He still kisses his wife after he saws a guy's head off."
(Agency, Design Director to Client, explaining target consumer)

#183- "This really separates the wheat from the shaft."
(Agency, President attempting to compliment his creative team)

#182- "It needs to look really retro and gitchy."
(Agency, President to graphic designer)

#181- "Can’t you just funk it up a little more?"
(Agency, President to graphic designer)

#180- "Find a blond model. Someone like that Carmen Diaz."
(Agency, President to art director)

#179- "We need to send the client a .jpg of the image as soon as possible." - "Sure. Do you think the .jpg will fit in this size envelope?"
(Agency, Intern to another intern, who was holding up an actual 6x9 envelope)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 37

#178- "Do you need the images in ´high residue´ or ´low residue´? You probably need the low-res, right?"
(Client, preparing to send a CD of images to Account Executive)

#177- "I like it. It makes me want to come. I mean, to the event! It makes me want to come to the event!"
(Client to Agency Art Director, upon review of an invitation to a press event)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 36

#176- "I probably should have told you this in the beginning... I have a personal vendetta against standard serif typefaces. Can we redo the whole thing in Gill Sans?"
(Client, Administrative Director to Designer, hours before print run)

#175- "It’s very nice, but still pretty standard. Take a couple days and scribble, play with a few fun headlines. Instead of a box put the information in a vessel of communication that breaks through the mundane while maintaining the integrity of the message"
(Agency Owner to Creative)

#174- "Make it look like Prada... what's that look like?"
(Agency, Creative Director to the designer)

#173- "Dude, you just booked my pitch team which is due tomorrow for ANOTHER pitch?" - "Hey, I don’t do f...ing operations."
(Agency, conversation between Senior Creative Director and CEO/COO)

#172- "I like it. I like it a lot. But does it really communicate our core value sympathy?"
(Client, CEO to account team on creative concept built on the heart symbol as a symbol for love)

#171- "I went into photoshop, I just bought a copy, and I increased the image size to say 300 dpi, what do you mean it's not high res?"
(Client, after beeing asked for 5th time for a high res version of the image)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 35

#170- "They asked for it in an ´.ai´ file." - "Well, you tell them that we are NOT an ´AI´ shop!"
(Agency, conversation between 2 Account Executives)

#169- "I don't like the colors, plum and black don't work together" - "But you're wearing them"
(Agency, Designer noticing Marketing Director wearing a black skirt and plum top)

#168- "But it's not winter. Can't you give him short sleeves?"
(Client, addressing cover photography with designer for a magazine)

#167- "Hey, you can export a webpage from Quark, right?"
(Agency, Account Executive, as if the print program had a ´make webpage´ button)

#166- "What project? I didn’t hear about that project. Oh, it was in my email. I don’t read my email."
(Agency, Creative to Account Executive)

#165- "10am meeting! I don’t even get up before 10am."
(Agency, Creative to Account Executive)

#164- "Where is the copywriter? He’s at the online session working on color."
(Agency, Account Executive to Traffic)

#163- "I can´t start until I see the creative brief. You gave me the brief?" - "Oh, I must have thrown it away."
(Agency, Creative to Account Executive)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 34

#162- "What we give you is what you get."
(Agency, Manager of graphic department, to a client)

#161- "I'd like to used a photo of ground zero for an ad. One where we can see a pipe like our client's product in the background" - "Oh. Is the client making a contribution to a victim's fund or something?" - "No, I don't think so." - "So, what, you just want to capitalize on the situation?" - "I wouldn't call it that."
(Agency, Account Executive to creative team during briefing)

#160- "I don't want people to think we dropped Fred Gywn as our voice talent just because he died."
(Client to Producer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 33

#159- "I always wear a blazer to shoots cause then everyone knows I'm the client."
(Client, VP Marketing at TV shoot)

#158- "I just sent you a link to something you've got to read." - "The link isn't working. I can't click it." - "Then just copy and paste it in your browser." - "I don't know what you're talking about. I've never copied and pasted anything. Can you come down here and show me?"
(Agency, conversation between Creative and Senior Account Strategist)

#157- "Thank you very much for the brilliant presentation. I am very happy with the work I saw and I am sure it will become a great campaign. But I want other creatives to work on it, because anyone who can do such good presentations cannot be a good creative."
(Client, Marketing Manager in a mail to agency’s director)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 32

#156- "This sky is too much of a dusk and too little of a dawn. Are we sure thisis the dawn we saw yesterday?"
(Client, Brand Manager who was present on a shooting at 4 o clock in the morning)

#155- "We thought that by introducing these rounded forms we could create something quite atestically pleasing."
(Agency, Branding Expert describing his design concepts to a Christian aid charity client)

#154- "Make it edgy... but not too edgy."
(Agency, HR Manager)

#153- "I like it, but I just don't think a multinational company should be doing ads in felt tip."
(Client, on first presentation of a line drawing concept scamp)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 31

#152- "If you can't tell me exactly what you want the poster to look like, how am I supposed to design it?"
(Design House)

#151- "That's very beautiful. I mean it's huge! Exactly what we need. But we're not ready for it. We're gonna have toot many contact and clients with that website. It's a problem for us. Can we have a break and finish when we'll be a bigger business?"
(Client, about a corporate website)

#150- "So you have two breaks on your bike! Whats the other one for?"
(Agency, Receptionist to Creative Director)

#149- "This internet is actually good"
(Client to Creative in casual meeting)

#148- "Can we do this but in a round browser?"
(Agency, Creative Director to his online team)

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#147- "We really should go after these guys. They're right in our back door."
(Agency owner at staff meeting, emphasizing the need to go after nearby businesses, ignoring that the phrase was "right in our backyard")

#146- "We don’t know what we don’t know. We just don’t know."
(Agency Executive Creative Director)

#145- "We are a small company. If we were a big company we would worry about what is best for the brand. Since we are small, we need to worry about the budget."
(Client, Marketing Manager)

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#144- "YouTube? I don't even know what that is."
(Interactive Agency, Project Coordinator)

#143- "Quit asking smart questions and just do what the client says."
(Agency, Account Executive to Copywriter, discussing idiotic changes to an ad)

#142- "We'll roll over whichever way the client wants us to roll over."
(Director of Client Services in full-agency meeting)

#141-"I have a degree in Art History, so i know all about this advertising stuff."
(Client, to Copywriter)

#140-"I am well aware that I continually screw you over."
(Agency, President to Copywriter)

#139-"There is no creative brief because I didn't feel like writing one."
(Agency, Account Executive to Copywriter)

#138-"We want to put a yellow submarine, like The Beatles song, in this ad."
(Client to Copywriter, for an industrial paint ad)

#137-"You don't even need to show me that campaign, because I already know I'm going to hate it."
(Agency, Account Executive to creative team)

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#136- “I’m going home, we’re presenting the campaign tomorrow. Have you started with the pieces yet? Let me take a quick look, I just want to see the logos.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#135- “We have to make an effort this quarter.”
(Agency, President, sent from his Blackberry while he was on vacation at a beach)

#134- “What’s going on? I do a search in the Family category images and I got a picture of two guys and a kid!”
(Agency, Production Head)

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#133- “They loved it but the want to change the pictures, headline and design.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#132- “I don’t understand the second paragraph of the changes the client asked for. What does he mean?” - “I don’t know. I didn’t read it.”
(Agency, Copywriter asking an Account Executive)

#131- “Can you ask the announcer to produce a whispering scream?”
(Client, Area Manager, during the recording of a radio spot)

#130- “POS? What the fuck is that, another word you made up?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#129- “Is there any problem if I send you a 25 MB ad in a CD?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

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#128- “Make it wild but conservative!”
(Agency, Account Executive, to Art Director)

#127- “You’re going to rape every piece of crap on the shelf.”
(Client, Marketing Assistant, optimist about a colleague’s future product launch)

#126- “Before negotiating something, I practice in the shower“
(Client, Marketing Assistant)

#125- “There’s an X crossing the photo. When you send me the final art, it’s not going to be there, is it?”
(Client, Area Manager)

#124- “Let’s keep this in ´stand bike´.”
(Media, Writer, meaning ´stand-by´)

#123- “Can you please send me the logo in ´pectoral´?”
(Client, Advertising Head, meaning ‘vectorial’ for vector graphics)