Heath, The Ultimate Joker

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 71

#367- "I know there are a lot of typos, but your budget didn’t cover QC"
(Post Production Account rep to client, as told to competing studio manager)

#366- "We have 4 shots of this product, but don't spend any time on it..."
(Agency, Art director to photographer)

#365- "When can I see the draft of the event report for the newsletter?" - "End of next Monday?" - "No. I want it today. I need to show it to my boss to get his approval" - "Er... but the event's this Friday. So I can't interview guests for their comments and do a report of the event until the event happens right?" - "I don't care. I want the draft by the end of today. This the way we always work. Other agencies have done this for us before. So why can't you?"
(Conversation between Client and Copywriter)

#364- "I don't like green. Can we change it?"
(Client, Account Director to Art Director, personally unhappy with the colour of giant multinational coffee chain logo)

#363- "Don't worry, this project is really just a graphic design exercise, it doesn't require any real thinking or anything"
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 70

#362- "Alright, I just sent Bob to go get those girls for the commercial!"
(Client, to Commercial Director in reference sending one of his employees to fetch the scantily clad middle school-aged girls seen walking across the street)

#361- "The spot is great except for the graphics and colors" - "But we duplicated the graphics and colors from your tri-fold, website and menu" - "Yes, we don't like those"
(Client, to Account Executive in reference to TV commercial sent out for approval)

#360- "Please add a watermarked graphic or clip art to the inside of the brochure. A heartstring pulling stock photo? Or maybe a cityscape? Not sure what would work best..."
(Client, to Designer about brochure revisions)

#359- "Logo needs to be bigger on the front page, so it can be seen across a room if in a brochure stand"
(Same client, to same Designer about same brochure revisions)

Sunday, December 17, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 69

#358- "That cover is too hip for the room."
(Client, giving feedback about a brochure cover for a church)

- "You need to add a a line on the cover of the invitation that says how to open it" - "Huh? But its a tri-fold.... How do they not know how to open it?" - "The client can’t figure out how to open it. Just add ‘open here, moron’"
(Agency, between Art Director and Associate Creative Director regarding client revision request)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 68

#356- "But surely, when you get rid of the palm tree fronds, the reflection of the palm tree fronds on the car will disappear too."
(Agency, Account Manager, when told that the ‘simple’ job of digitally removing something from a car shot wasn’t as simple as they thought.)

#355- "I know the globe is in our logo but we are not a global company so the only globe should be the one in our logo."
(Client feedback)

#354- "I’m at home trying to deciding if I’ll give you negative marks on your review for those biscuit lips."
(Agency, Creative Director poking fun at an Account Manager’s cold sores)

- "How do you print screen?" - "Alt-Print Screen." - "So, how long does it take to print?"
(Agency, Account Manager)

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 67

#352- "How can I put the link on my desktop when you know I only have a laptop?"
(IT Client to Agency)

#351- "The client has given us FINAL approval, but asked if we could change one small thing."
(Agency, Project Manager to Art Director)

#350- "But tell me one thing, why have you not been paid till now???"
(Client, Finance Manager when being followed up on payment that was due.)

- "I will contact the artist, what is his name?" - "Vincent Van Gogh" - "Ok, I will call him and get his approval."
(Agency, Account Executive to Art Director on being told that ´Sunflowers´ cannot be used in the layout because of copyright issues)

Friday, December 08, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 66

#348- "It's too Jewish."
(Conversation with Jewish client reviewing the Jewish themed ad for their Synagogue's newsletter.)

#347- "I hate these colors. These are not the colors you showed us in the design comps."
(Conversation between Client and Account Executive upon seeing the printer's blue line proofs.)

#346- "We love option 1. It is by far the cleanest one. We'd just like to add some contact information. Just the Call to Action, Website and our partner's logos. You are the artists. Just do your thing so it doesn't look like too much information. Gosh, I love it! It's so clean!"
(Client, Advertising Coordinator to Agency Account Supervisor, making comments on a what was intending to be a clean Billboard art.)

- "Oh, they must want those secret magic words that mean four things at once."
(Agency, Copywriter to Account Manager, discussing client comments)

#344- "Just shut-up. Nobody likes an asshole." "I dunno, some women like assholes."
(Agency, Account manager to Copywriter)

#343- "Why not fold this up until it has sharp corners and shove it up your stupid trade school bum."
(Agency, Associate Creative Director to Designer)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 65

#342- "Can you make the URL resemble a web link? You know, underlined in blue. That way everyone knows it's for our web site."
(Client, to Account Manager, describing the URL at the bottom of a print ad)

- "It’s simple really: I want you to come up with something that’s never been done before; something that touches hearts and minds all around the world. Oh, and I need it by 11 tomorrow morning."
(Agency, Marketing Director to Creative eam)

- "What's a linking URL?"
(Agency, interactive Media Planner to Traffic)

#339- "This logo needs to be extremely high end." - "So like Ralph Lauren black label?" - "Higher-but don't spend more than 3 hours on it, it's not that important."
(Agency, VP to Creative Director regarding a logo for a golf outing)

#338- "The ad looks great, but I can’t hear it." - "Have you tried adjusting the volume?" - "Oh, that’s much better."
(Client, on a phone call giving feedback to Avid Editor)

#337- "How dare you! You know I hate banjo!"
(Agency, Creative Director to Music Producer upon arriving at a recording session an hour late)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 64

#336- "I really like it, but can you make the type a darker white so it shows up more?""
(Client, to Art Director)

#335- "What do you mean this is a four color job? I don't want four colors, we are paying for all of the colors and by God I want all of the colors."
(Client, Marketing Manager to agency Art Director)

#334- "This african american is too dark. Can we use someone more racially vague?"
(Client, to Account Director and Creative, discussing photography for a direct mail brochure)

#333- "That black guy doesn’t look ethnic - can we get a real black guy?"
(Client, comment about a photo of an African American man)

Monday, December 04, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 63

#332- "It´s all ok. good looking, nice layout, modern, right concept, but… my appreciation about the communication is: the black is too dark, and the red is too bloody."
(Client, Product Manager, giving feedback to Creative Director)

#331- "I'll fax our logo over right now and you can use that in the ad."
(Client in email response to designer's request for a camera-ready logo)

#330- "Where's that manager? ...what´s his name?" - "Ron?" - "Yes! The fat one!"
(Agency, Creative Director to Graphic Designer on whereabouts of Studio Manager)

#329- "Don't worry about the talent's wardrobe sizes. I don't want to bother them anymore. Besides, there are lot's of places to buy clothes near the shoot."
(Agency, Account Executive to Art Director)

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 62

#328- "Final Changes: please make sure our logo´s and pictures can´t be saved or copied off the website." - "It is not possible! If they don't want to share they should not be on the web."
(Conversation between Client and Account Executive)

#327- "This flyer is URGENT. I don't know how you do it but just do it so it fits an envelope. Just like the one I'm holding now".
(Client, Trade Marketing Coordinator to Account Supervisor... on a phone conversation)

#326- "Their eagle soars more than our eagle"
(Client to Agency when comparing an eagle from a competitor's TV spot with their own)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 61

#325- "What copy should I use?" - "Just do some of that fluff that you do."
(Agency Creative Director)

#324- "It's already a pizza, now with what the client is asking for, it'll make it an all-dressed pizza!"
(Agency, Project Manager to his Director of Production)

#323- "OK people, who's got the shovel? Because we're knee deep in it!"
(Agency, same Project Manager to his Production Team)

#322- "I just need this to get into Communications Arts."
(Creative Director to designers, weekly)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 60

#321- "Can you adjust the leading on the headline?" - "No, the font comes like that."
(Agency, Art Director's reply to Account Manager)

#320- "I need awards! get me awards! If you don't get me awards, otherwise I will make sure you get fired before I do."
(Client, Marketing Manager to Agency Account Director)

#319- "Why do we need to code the website? Can't you just export from Microsoft Word?"
(Agency, Chairman of Internet Company to Web Developer)

Monday, November 20, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 59

#318- "The girls in that car are too young, not saying I wouldn´t want to be in there with them, I just don´t think the client would."
(Agency CEO to Designer)

#317- "Uh oh, the sleeves printed over the weekend... Was the change a significant one?"
(Agency, Account Manager to Designer after a significant redesign)

#316- "That new photographer really did a great job on that light, but maybe just maybe we have to think on how we can make him work more in the style of the photographer we used before, i don’t know you know I’m not an expert, but still"
(Agency, Art Director to Traffic Manager)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 58

#315- "So that's the concept and the site name. What are your thoughts?" - "I am just trying to imagine a logo with a name that long" - "Don't worry about it son, we'll leave that up to the designers"
(Agency, conversation between CEO and Lead Designer)

#314- "I don't want any of you in here working on Thanksgiving Day."
(Agency, Creative Director, thinking he's being generous)

#313- "My sky is not as blue as my competitors' sky!"
(Client, after viewing his commercial)

#312- "I need to speak to the Chairman." - "You can't, he's out on an unbreakable out of agency commitment." - "Huh?" - "OK, don't tell anyone, he's playing golf with his brother."
(Agency, conversation between Creative and Chairman´s PA)

#311- "This all looks nice, but I'm not sure about the color or the way it's all put on the page. Here are some fabric swatches and some photos of the artwork we just redid our living room with... this is really more what I think we're going for here. But what you did was nice too!"
(Client feedback)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 57

#310- "We need this to look really amazing - it's really got to stand outand wow the client. But the budget is small so don´t spend any time working on it."
(Agency, Account Manager to Designer)

#309- "I like this layout, but let me take it home and show my wife. She's the artist in the family."
(Client to Agency, about wife who was taking a painting class)

#308- "Can we remove the french things on the word 'resume'?"
(Client, Marketing Manager to Designer)

#307- "On the package: What is the PMS color of the hamburger?"
(Client to Creative Services)

#306- "This is great, but I'd really like it with a big, black violator. I've used them in the past and they really get the point across."
(Client to Art Director)

#305- "Please make the file in these specifications: full color vectorial PDF on CMYK"
(Agency, creative brief from Project Manager)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 56

#304- "When someone's wife dies, you have to accept that the timeline my slip slightly"
(Agency Director to Client)

#303- "Of course you want it for yesterday! If you want it for today, you should order it TOMORROW!!!"
(Agency, Anonymous)

#302- "Could you possibly give us a design for the business card that's more like the one our CEO designed in PowerPoint?"
(Client, Marketing Director to Designer)

#301- "There's a lot of empty space in this ad, but I'm just not sure that the audience we are targeting is the empty-space audience."
(Agency, Account manager to Designer)

#300- "So, you can 'de-res-ify' these images?"
(Agency, Marketing co-ordinator to Designer regarding exporting lower resolution images)

#299- "Could you move our logo to the top of the poster? I mean... What if someone is standing in front of it?
(Client to Creative Director)

#298- "But they're in Canada... Can they even read an eps file?"
(Agency Owner to Art Director)

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 55

#297- "Can we see theplane more from above in that shot?"
(Creative Director speaking to an editor of a TV spot)

#296- "Let me be frank." - "Fine. Be Frank or be Jeff but pick one face and stick with it."
(Agency, Account Executive turning on creative after earlier praising the work)

#295- "Today's time management seminar has been cancelled due to a scheduling conflict for (Agency President)

#294- "I hate to tell you but that idea's been done before." - "I know, but it was in England. Nobody's done it here so it's not stealing."
(Agency, Anonymous)

#293- "Unfortunately, everything for E-Commerce is at the bottom of the barrel currently as we have other things that are a higher priority."
(Agency, Creative Director to E-Commerce Marketing Director in weekly Traffic meeting)

#292- "Well, I love the general feel but I rather expected to have photos instead of these scribbles."
(Client, on showing hand-visualised mock-up of brochure)

#291- "Look, we can't get the horse in the elevator!"
(Agency, Account Director to Client)

#290- "I want to put a burger joint on the moon"
(Fast Food Client to Account Director)

#289- "We need you to resize the Portuguese and Spanish versions." - "I don’t think I ever did a Spanish version. I mean, I remember doing one in Mexican..."
(Agency, Art Director talking to a Retoucher)

Friday, November 10, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 54

#288- "Although happy with the service, we are considering putting our media buying work out to pitch."

#287- "In the rest room , we face two challenges."
(Client, Brand Manager, on developing markets for cleaning products)

#286- "We need to make our demo reel in HD. Can you send the websites in HD format?" - "Websites are made for computer screens, not HD." - "Well you have the sources for our sites, can't you re-render them in HD?"
(Client, Director of Sales, to Concept Artist)

#285- "Can we add sound effects? People love sound effects!"
(Client to creative team, after being presented a radio campaign)

#284- "Hey, is 44 kb good?" - "No it's really small" - "I don't understand, it's large on my screen andwhen i open it up it says 300 pixels"
(Agency, Creative Director, confusing pixels with DPI)

#283- "Tell him it doesn’t snow at any of the Hawaii properties, but maybe we can do the same effect with molten lava spews.”
(Agency, Designer to Project Manager, after the client forwards a link to a snow animation on a holiday website)

#282- "This is 11x17 and in camera format. Please have the artist put in true jpg format: 8.5x11"
(Client to Account Executive in reference to a JPG image)

#281- "The good news is, you have the weekend to work."
(Agency, Traffic to Creative Team)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 53

#280- "Could you please make the thought bubbles in this ad more realistic?"
(Client to Designer)

#279- "Is ITV the number 3 on my remote control?" - "It depends how your TV is set up..."
(TV client asking a Media Planner)

#278- "Can you make it smaller, but bigger on screen?"
(Agency, Art director about logo on TV ad)

#277- "I like take 1 and 3"
(Client on hearing same v/o played 4 times)

#276- "Can you make the hamster look less ambitious? Can we minute that?"
(Client to Agency)

#275- "Those are sounds only dogs can hear."
(Agency, Creative Director to her team while discussing strategy)

#274- "I can't help you now. I have to go to a teamwork seminar."
(Agency, Account Executive to Creative Team in a moment of client-related crisis)

#273- "I have found that it is important to use a background media with little or no details or imagery"
(Client comments on a trade show booth)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 52

#272-"Next time you two are going to do something conceptual could you let me know?"
(Print producer to creative team)

#271-"Should we really be spending 2 million dollars on this if the world is going to end?
(Client to Agency about launching a website right before the year 2000)

#270-"How many weeks are in a 13 week cycle?"
(Account Executive to Producer)

#269-"The colors for the cars on my screen are not matching the brochures when I hold them up, you need to get them closer to the brochure."
(Client to Designer)

#268-"What country is Denver in?"
(Agency, Web intern comment)

#267-"Um, in terms of casting, we were thinking a little more... um... urban."
(Client to Agency regarding casting of African Americans)

#266-"That looks great. But can you make the shadow fuzzier and exactly 3% more transparent on all 145 versions ?"
(Online Editor, after tape has been fedexed to distribution network)

#265-"In a perfect world, if there was no Christmas, when could we launch?"
(Client to Creative Director complaining about the production schedule because time set aside for the holidays and agency/office closures conflicted with their desired in-market date)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 51

#264- "The door sign has 2 sides: the back side is identical with the frontside, only it has`Close` on the verso."
(Agency, extracted from a brief)

#263- "I'm not an Art Director! I can't fold paper!"
(Client, PR Consultant while looking at a brochure layout he downloaded from an ftp site in pdf files)

#262- "It's not important if people listen to radio or not, it's how they listen to radio that's important"
(Media Rep to Media Planner)

#261- "We want it to sound like a brick hitting a parachute."
(Client to Audio Producer)

#260- "Is black a color?"
(Client to designer)

#259- "Does white count as a color?"
(Client referring to white paper while looking at a brochure)

#258- "That’s nice, but what happened to the online extension of the blue key visual?" - "Uh, we… we didn’t do that one. We did the red key visual only, because blue pixels are heavier to download."
(Conversation between Client and Art Director)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 50

#257- "That is too costly, my budgets are lower... instead of 'daily' can't I have the ad on 'alternate days' that'll reduce my budget by half?"
(Client, Managing Director to Agency Media Planner)

#256- "I think you need to adjust the 'kerneling' on the body copy."
(Client to Agency, talking about the spacing in the body copy)

#255- "Yeah, just make something fresh and new. Something like Enigma."
(Agency, Online Account Executive briefing a sound designer for a web pitch)

#254- "This brochure needs to be more literal, at the bottom of each page of the brochure add the words, `Turn Page`"
(Client, Brand Manager)

#253- "I think translating this piece to another language is a great idea in the future, but can you translate the Greek to English when we print it?"
(Client, same Brand Manager in response to the Lorem Ipsum)

#252- "If you host my site on the world wide web, does that mean that anyone anywhere in the world will be able to see it or will I have to pay extra?"

#251- "Concept 1 is approved. Although why don't you show me something that incorporates concept 1 with concept 3 and uses the headline from concept 2? Make the logo bigger like in concept 2 and the copy larger from concept 3. You guys did a great job, you are right on target with concept 1."
(Client, Brand Manager)

Monday, November 06, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 49

#250- "I'm a channel agnostic" - "…a what? Oh, f... off with your stupid terms"
(Agency, Conversation between Media girl and Client)

#249- "All the tentacles of the communications octopus where in use"
(Agency, same Media girl)

#248- "I’ve raised it up the flagpole and rallied it again for London"
(Agency, same Media girl)

#247- "And even in absence of full ideas we should add 'delight' to the presentation where possible"
(Agency, same Media girl)

#246- "Let’s hit the media ´trifector´!"
(Agency, same Media girl meaning ´three awards in a row´)

#245- "We are zigging when the rest of the market is zagging..."

#244- "Sorry, that brief has fallen off the radar" - "This aint the f...ing cold war"
(Agency, Conversation between Account Executive and Client)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 48

#243- "Can you make the cursive font more cursive?"
(Client to Art Director)

#242- "Can you redesign the business cards in Microsoft Word so we can change the names ourselves?"
(Client to Designer)

#241- "One of the images you used shows too much teeth... and people are put off by too much teeth."
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

#240- "Here's a picture of the frontdoor of my house. I designed it myself, back in the seventies. Could you incorporate the design in our new site?"
(Client briefing the Designer)

#239- "I know the lead agency is working on a new logo and colors, but next meeting I would already like to show the client the design of the new site."
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

#238- "You can't really touch the placing of all the information on the screen, everything has been researched and tested already. We want you to decide on the colour of the lines and dividers. They can be dark blue or black or whatever. That's up to you."
(Client's brief to Designer)

#237- "What took you so long to deliver the site designs? Oh, you made the wholesite? Did I ask for HTML? And normally you deliver us photoshop-templates? Oh well, HTML or PSD, it's all the same for me."
(Client's Head of Internet to Agency)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 47

#236- "Net or gross? I don't know what net and gross mean."
(Media, Newspaper sales representative to a media planner re: rates)

#235- "We haven’t even done a brochure for America and you’re doing one for another country!"
(Client to the creative team after seeing a brochure layout with greeked copy)

#234- "Please call me in an hour… but I will not answer because I am in a meeting"
(Agency, Client Service Director to Client)

#233- "Aaahh…you can work in Corel?"
(Agency, Account Executive to Art Director)

#232- "She’s a great writer but she needs to figure out which is more important to her: this account or that family thing."
(Agency, Partner regarding a copywriter’s performance)

#231- "Can you print out all of the online elements? The client wants to see how the colors will really look to the user."
(Agency, Account service to online account service)

#230- "What is that search bar at the top of the page? Can we do that?"
(Client to agency about a mock-up of a website with Google search in the header bar)

Sunday, November 05, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 46

#229- "It's a 300kb .ai file, can I just send it by email?" - "We'd prefer a CD. The boss wants it in hi-res."
(Phone conversation between Designer and Client)

#228- "I want the site to look expensive and cheap at the same time."
(Client briefing)

#227- "I like the design but I think it ‘ll look better stripping all graphical elements, it ‘ll look more web 2.0-ish"
(Agency, Creative Director to Designer)

#226- "I think your gradient background is great but customers will understand a white one better"
(Client to Creative Director)

#225- "I have to present the site you designed this afternoon, can you print them A2 so I can give the client a good feel?"
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer, ignoring the fact that sites are designed 72 dpi)

#224- "I know our logo fucks up your design, but still put it in there. Big bigger than all other graphics"
(Client to Designer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 45

#223- "We need something that has never been done before. Find out how everybodyelse did it - and do that."
(Client, Brand Manager who wanted a promotion)

#222- "What's Garamond?"
(Editor in major publishing house to designer)

#221- "So the TV ad is going to be a cartoon?"
(Client, when reviewing storyboards)

#220- "We’re heading to the Grand Canyon. Has anyone ever gone down -Grand Canyon- in a helicopter?" - "No, but I’ve gone down on a donkey."
(Client and Agency, conference call discussing planning)

#219- "The voiceovers for the videos in German, English, French, Spanish and Italian are good, but the voices are all different! Can't we have them all done by the same guy?" - "And who do you want to do them? The Pope?"
(Client, giving feedback to Account Executive)

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 44

#218- "You have forum capitalized here. It should be lower case." - "Yes but it's our forum." - "But it's not the Forum in Rome, it's just a meeting." - "It's our convention to capitalize it, so please do so."
(Client speaking with Creative Director, after "reworking" body copy -per the Chicago style guide- of a print ad)

#217- "Well Susan, after all this time you know how we work." - "Jim, my name is Stacy."
(Agency, Creative Director to long time client)

#216- "This is great work, but is it all on our Summer Brew?" - "Yes it is! The assignment was for our Fall Beer." - "Oh, was that on the creative brief?"
(Client to Creative Director)

#215- "I like it because it's a no-brainer."
(Agency, Account person to creative team regarding conservative initial concept)

#214- "Will we still have these in the morning?"
(Client to Designer after the 7th copy change before sending the final copy to the printer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 43

#213- "The only requirement is that you stay within the corporate brand. We have a brand identity guide but it's old so don't go by that. Just go by what looks new."
(Client to Design Lead)

#212- "We don't need a full re-design of our website, we just want to change the look and feel to be more professional. You know new colors, photos, and change some of the graphical elements."
(Client to Designer)

#211- "Can you add a drop shadow or bevel to the logo?"
(Client to Designer)

#210- "We like the red/burgundy color of the logo - but can you make it a different shade of burgundy?"
(Client to Designer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 42

#209- "My wife just remodeled our family room in burgundy and gray, I reallyliked that. Let's use those colors for the annual report."
(Client, Executive Director, to Designer)

#208- "Well, it’s OK. It’s just that we just want mediocre advertising. We don’t really want to stand out."
(Client, to Agency Team concerning new branding campaign presented)

#207- "An ad doesn't have to be memorable to be good"
(Agency, Associate Creative Director to a client in an effort to submarine a junior team's workcompeting with his own)

#206- "Can I get a hi-res file of the money shot to forward to the client? Will this be too big to email? Thanks."
(Agency, Account Executive to Designer)

#205- "Don’t be so clever. Not everyone gets double endondas."
(Agency Owner to Copywriter)

#204- "It just hangs there like a useless tit."
(Agency, Account Executive commenting on font choice)

#203- "I’m the one who sets the priorities around here, and my stuff is always at the top of the list."
(Agency Owner to Designer)

Friday, November 03, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 41

#202- "I know the client's color is Process Blue, but I'm sick of blue, so don't use it!"
(Agency, Creative Director to designer)

#201- "Really... real-LY... REAL-ly... I'm not sure this word is doing it for me. Come up with a better word than 'really'."
(Agency, Senior Writer to Junior Writer)

#200- "Can you make the design 17% better?"
(Client, giving feedback to Account Executive)

#199- "The client loves your ad, she really does. She wanted me to tell you that. She just wants to change the visual and the headline."
(Agency, Account Executive to creative team)

#198- "When do you need the prints for?" - "We need this printed ASAP, but it's not like we need it tomorrow or anything."
(Client, answering to graphic designer question)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 40

#197- "These ads are all good. This one in particular is quite intriguing. But we’ve found that intrigue doesn’t work for us."
(Client, giving feedback)

#196- "We should not aim to be conceptual or creative."
(Agency, Account Executive on the brief)

#195- "This logo isn’t the right size." - "Well, I have the file open in Photoshop and the dimensions are correct." - "That can’t be right. I’m measuring it and it’s about an 1/8” too small." - "How are you measuring it?" - "I’m holding my ruler up to the monitor."
(Client and Agency, phone conversation reviewing a JPEG)

#194- "I don't think that's the colour of synergy"
(Agency, Senior Strategy VP to designer)

#193- "Is that Spanish?"
(Client, watching a draft with Lorem Ipsum placeholder text)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 39

#192- "I don't like these business shots. He looks too euro-faggy."
(Agency Owner to Creative)

#191- "Can we make the whites whiter?" - "Not really, its NTSC white is 255 255 255." - "Yes, but can we make the Whites Whiter?"

#190- "Please shoot me a JPEG of that font"
(Client, asking designer for fonts for his computer)

#189- "The website is not printing. I can't see it!" - "What do you mean it won't print? Wait, are you talking about your monitor?" - "Yes, my printer is not displaying it"
(Client, asking Interactive Head about printers, monitors, websites...)

#188- "We have to get him to close his mouth" - "Can't you just photostock it shut?"
(Agency, Dog handler suggesting that Art Director photoshop the mouth closed on a dog during a dog food shoot)

#187- "What does the Red Cross logo look like?"
(Client to designer for health services logo)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 38

#186- "You have to have the layout tomorrow." - "I never got the brief!" - "I told you about it on my way to the men's room."
(Agency, Account Executive to Creative)

#185- "They can't send you the website in Microsoft Word format because they use Macs."
(Client, acting as intermediary between designers)

#184- "He still kisses his wife after he saws a guy's head off."
(Agency, Design Director to Client, explaining target consumer)

#183- "This really separates the wheat from the shaft."
(Agency, President attempting to compliment his creative team)

#182- "It needs to look really retro and gitchy."
(Agency, President to graphic designer)

#181- "Can’t you just funk it up a little more?"
(Agency, President to graphic designer)

#180- "Find a blond model. Someone like that Carmen Diaz."
(Agency, President to art director)

#179- "We need to send the client a .jpg of the image as soon as possible." - "Sure. Do you think the .jpg will fit in this size envelope?"
(Agency, Intern to another intern, who was holding up an actual 6x9 envelope)

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#178- "Do you need the images in ´high residue´ or ´low residue´? You probably need the low-res, right?"
(Client, preparing to send a CD of images to Account Executive)

#177- "I like it. It makes me want to come. I mean, to the event! It makes me want to come to the event!"
(Client to Agency Art Director, upon review of an invitation to a press event)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 36

#176- "I probably should have told you this in the beginning... I have a personal vendetta against standard serif typefaces. Can we redo the whole thing in Gill Sans?"
(Client, Administrative Director to Designer, hours before print run)

#175- "It’s very nice, but still pretty standard. Take a couple days and scribble, play with a few fun headlines. Instead of a box put the information in a vessel of communication that breaks through the mundane while maintaining the integrity of the message"
(Agency Owner to Creative)

#174- "Make it look like Prada... what's that look like?"
(Agency, Creative Director to the designer)

#173- "Dude, you just booked my pitch team which is due tomorrow for ANOTHER pitch?" - "Hey, I don’t do f...ing operations."
(Agency, conversation between Senior Creative Director and CEO/COO)

#172- "I like it. I like it a lot. But does it really communicate our core value sympathy?"
(Client, CEO to account team on creative concept built on the heart symbol as a symbol for love)

#171- "I went into photoshop, I just bought a copy, and I increased the image size to say 300 dpi, what do you mean it's not high res?"
(Client, after beeing asked for 5th time for a high res version of the image)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 35

#170- "They asked for it in an ´.ai´ file." - "Well, you tell them that we are NOT an ´AI´ shop!"
(Agency, conversation between 2 Account Executives)

#169- "I don't like the colors, plum and black don't work together" - "But you're wearing them"
(Agency, Designer noticing Marketing Director wearing a black skirt and plum top)

#168- "But it's not winter. Can't you give him short sleeves?"
(Client, addressing cover photography with designer for a magazine)

#167- "Hey, you can export a webpage from Quark, right?"
(Agency, Account Executive, as if the print program had a ´make webpage´ button)

#166- "What project? I didn’t hear about that project. Oh, it was in my email. I don’t read my email."
(Agency, Creative to Account Executive)

#165- "10am meeting! I don’t even get up before 10am."
(Agency, Creative to Account Executive)

#164- "Where is the copywriter? He’s at the online session working on color."
(Agency, Account Executive to Traffic)

#163- "I can´t start until I see the creative brief. You gave me the brief?" - "Oh, I must have thrown it away."
(Agency, Creative to Account Executive)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 34

#162- "What we give you is what you get."
(Agency, Manager of graphic department, to a client)

#161- "I'd like to used a photo of ground zero for an ad. One where we can see a pipe like our client's product in the background" - "Oh. Is the client making a contribution to a victim's fund or something?" - "No, I don't think so." - "So, what, you just want to capitalize on the situation?" - "I wouldn't call it that."
(Agency, Account Executive to creative team during briefing)

#160- "I don't want people to think we dropped Fred Gywn as our voice talent just because he died."
(Client to Producer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 33

#159- "I always wear a blazer to shoots cause then everyone knows I'm the client."
(Client, VP Marketing at TV shoot)

#158- "I just sent you a link to something you've got to read." - "The link isn't working. I can't click it." - "Then just copy and paste it in your browser." - "I don't know what you're talking about. I've never copied and pasted anything. Can you come down here and show me?"
(Agency, conversation between Creative and Senior Account Strategist)

#157- "Thank you very much for the brilliant presentation. I am very happy with the work I saw and I am sure it will become a great campaign. But I want other creatives to work on it, because anyone who can do such good presentations cannot be a good creative."
(Client, Marketing Manager in a mail to agency’s director)

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#156- "This sky is too much of a dusk and too little of a dawn. Are we sure thisis the dawn we saw yesterday?"
(Client, Brand Manager who was present on a shooting at 4 o clock in the morning)

#155- "We thought that by introducing these rounded forms we could create something quite atestically pleasing."
(Agency, Branding Expert describing his design concepts to a Christian aid charity client)

#154- "Make it edgy... but not too edgy."
(Agency, HR Manager)

#153- "I like it, but I just don't think a multinational company should be doing ads in felt tip."
(Client, on first presentation of a line drawing concept scamp)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 31

#152- "If you can't tell me exactly what you want the poster to look like, how am I supposed to design it?"
(Design House)

#151- "That's very beautiful. I mean it's huge! Exactly what we need. But we're not ready for it. We're gonna have toot many contact and clients with that website. It's a problem for us. Can we have a break and finish when we'll be a bigger business?"
(Client, about a corporate website)

#150- "So you have two breaks on your bike! Whats the other one for?"
(Agency, Receptionist to Creative Director)

#149- "This internet is actually good"
(Client to Creative in casual meeting)

#148- "Can we do this but in a round browser?"
(Agency, Creative Director to his online team)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 30

#147- "We really should go after these guys. They're right in our back door."
(Agency owner at staff meeting, emphasizing the need to go after nearby businesses, ignoring that the phrase was "right in our backyard")

#146- "We don’t know what we don’t know. We just don’t know."
(Agency Executive Creative Director)

#145- "We are a small company. If we were a big company we would worry about what is best for the brand. Since we are small, we need to worry about the budget."
(Client, Marketing Manager)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 29

#144- "YouTube? I don't even know what that is."
(Interactive Agency, Project Coordinator)

#143- "Quit asking smart questions and just do what the client says."
(Agency, Account Executive to Copywriter, discussing idiotic changes to an ad)

#142- "We'll roll over whichever way the client wants us to roll over."
(Director of Client Services in full-agency meeting)

#141-"I have a degree in Art History, so i know all about this advertising stuff."
(Client, to Copywriter)

#140-"I am well aware that I continually screw you over."
(Agency, President to Copywriter)

#139-"There is no creative brief because I didn't feel like writing one."
(Agency, Account Executive to Copywriter)

#138-"We want to put a yellow submarine, like The Beatles song, in this ad."
(Client to Copywriter, for an industrial paint ad)

#137-"You don't even need to show me that campaign, because I already know I'm going to hate it."
(Agency, Account Executive to creative team)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 28

#136- “I’m going home, we’re presenting the campaign tomorrow. Have you started with the pieces yet? Let me take a quick look, I just want to see the logos.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#135- “We have to make an effort this quarter.”
(Agency, President, sent from his Blackberry while he was on vacation at a beach)

#134- “What’s going on? I do a search in the Family category images and I got a picture of two guys and a kid!”
(Agency, Production Head)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 27

#133- “They loved it but the want to change the pictures, headline and design.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#132- “I don’t understand the second paragraph of the changes the client asked for. What does he mean?” - “I don’t know. I didn’t read it.”
(Agency, Copywriter asking an Account Executive)

#131- “Can you ask the announcer to produce a whispering scream?”
(Client, Area Manager, during the recording of a radio spot)

#130- “POS? What the fuck is that, another word you made up?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#129- “Is there any problem if I send you a 25 MB ad in a CD?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 26

#128- “Make it wild but conservative!”
(Agency, Account Executive, to Art Director)

#127- “You’re going to rape every piece of crap on the shelf.”
(Client, Marketing Assistant, optimist about a colleague’s future product launch)

#126- “Before negotiating something, I practice in the shower“
(Client, Marketing Assistant)

#125- “There’s an X crossing the photo. When you send me the final art, it’s not going to be there, is it?”
(Client, Area Manager)

#124- “Let’s keep this in ´stand bike´.”
(Media, Writer, meaning ´stand-by´)

#123- “Can you please send me the logo in ´pectoral´?”
(Client, Advertising Head, meaning ‘vectorial’ for vector graphics)

Monday, October 30, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 25

#122- “Can you send me a matchprint of Kate Moss’ face as a reference?”
(Client, Product Assistant)

#121- “Please, I need the photos in .ai”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#120- “This will only take a moment. Just by stretching it from one side it’s already adapted to half a page.”
(Agency, Art Director)

#119- “Can you change the word ‘exquisite’ on the ad? Words including the letter X are way too complicated.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#118- “It’s amazing how well you interpreted the brief. This piece is exactly what we wanted, you could not have made it any better, I love it. But I also think it’s too good. This is for a bigger client, a more international one. We’re not like that. See if you can do something shittier that we can use.”
(Client, same Marketing Manager)

#117- “This is a picture of how I want the ad. I had to draw it in a napkin.”
(Client, same Marketing Manager)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 24

#116- “Can’t you make that dog smile? Don’t you have a smile filter on this expensive machine?”
(Agency, Owner)

#115- “Let’s print in 2 colors so it’s cheaper. Make it black and white.”
(Client, Area Manager)

#114- “What’s the cost of doing a radio spot?” - “$ XXX.” - "And if I pay that amount, how many times I can put it on the air?”
(Client, Area Manager)

#113- “We need your help. According to what I understood from the client, we have to put subtitles on the radio spots. Is that doable?”
(Agency, Account Assistant)

#112- “The client is asking if the copy can be centered to the left.”
(Agency, Account Assistant)

#111- “If we do the poster 40 centimeters wide and the height in proportion, will it look awful?” - “No, it would still be in proportion.” - “OK. What if do it in 20 centimeters wide and the height in proportion?”
(Agency, Account Assistant)

Saturday, October 28, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 23

#110- “But this campaign is a ‘copy page’ of the previous one!”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#109- “The thing is, when a logo is in JPEG, it ‘pixelizes’.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#108- “But… they placed the sticker backwards!”
(Agency, Account Executive, looking at a transparency from the back side)

#107- “You write to him. Tell him I’m not here.”
(Agency, Designer, asking another one to reply to a client on the MSN Messenger)

#106- “When will the ´brochette´ be ready?”
(Agency, Owner, meaning ´brochure´)

#105- “And now… the ice cake!”
(Agency, same Owner, meaning ´icing on the cake´)

Friday, October 27, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 22

#104- “These measures for the ad, are they live area or trim?” - “As you prefer!”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#103- “How can you solve a major mess in 3 days? With promises, not with facts.”
(Agency, Account Director)

#102- “I asked for a printing budget in 2 colors and in 4 colors.” - “And what colors are those going to be?”
(Agency, conversation between Designer and Chief of Production)

#101- “Minimize, minimize!!! Don’t keep that many windows opened, you’re going to break the computer!!!”
(Media, Team Coordinator)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 21

#100- “I’m sending you a 100 kilowatts photograph. Is it good for printing?”
(Client, IT Manager)

#099- “I’m sending you the matchprint with a delivery boy, so you sign it and we can start printing.” “Why don’t you send it via fax so we save time?”
(Client, Brand Manager)

#098- “I loved the two alternatives you showed me, I didn’t know which one to choose. So use the yellow layout on the brown one, and the brown layout on the yellow one. And send me the prints so I can decide.”
(Client, Product Manager)

#097- “It’s important to state that this event will take place on the first day of Spring. We can incorporate that in the communication, in the layout as well as in the frame of the communication. But we don’t want it to be highlighted in the communication.”
(Client, extracted from a brief)

#096- “Can you add a tube color to those pipes?”
(Client, Project Leader)

#095- “I think a PSD is what comes in a CD.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#094- “Will a Mexican agency know what an FTP is?”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 20

#093- “It’s a minor modification. We’re just changing the content and layout of the whole website.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#092- “I’ll send you the changes in a few minutes, but start mounting in order to save time.”
(Client, Direct Marketing Analyst)

#091- “Spring is not premium. Spring is not American Express.”
(Client, briefing a Spring promotion)

#090- “You can search by kind of food, you can search by neighborhood… Or fuck you and search for yourself.”
(Client, Area Manager)

#089- “I can’t say how long it’s going to take to do these changes, you didn’t send them to me yet.” - “I still want a date from you.” - “But we don’t know whether we have to change the legal copy or the whole concept… Can you give me a hint at least?” - “No, we didn’t see the work yet.”
(Client, Direct Marketing Manager)

#088- “That sky is not Dove.”
(Client, Assistant to the Brand Manager)

#087- “If there’s a brief, it’s a mistake.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 19

#086- “I don’t understand why the legal copy is in Latin. Is that a creative thing?”

#085- “I need your help. When I print this Powerpoint presentation, it comes out slanted in the pages. Can you fix it?”
(Client, Area Manager)

#084- “No, don’t use this! These are not clients of mine and I don’t want to show them my identity!”
(Client, same Area Manager, looking at an acquisition mailing developed under the brand guidelines)

#083- “I asked for the photo in high resolution! I can’t work like this! A photo is in high resolution when I can’t see it in my computer!”
(Client, same Area Manager, when receiving a JPEG in high resolution)

#082- “What are those lines on the side? Take them out, they don’t look right.”
(Client, Assistant to the same Area Manager, looking at crop marks)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 18

#086- “About the image, let’s use that one but ‘trop’ the woman a little.”
(Client, Marketing Manager, meaning ‘crop’)

#085- “Do I putt the CD in that sort of cupholder thing?”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#084- “Take out the graphics from the Powerpoint. They make me dizzy.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#083- “What a coincidence! I have the same sticker in my computer at home!”
(Agency, Account Executive, pointing at the ViewSonic monitors logo)

#082- “There are no folders in this zip!” - “Did you unzip it properly?” - “Obviously.” - “And where did you create the folder?” - “There are no folders, I’m telling you!” - “How are you unzipping it?” - “Double click on the zip file.” - “No, you have to extract it so it creates the folders…” - “You’re so complicated… Why don’t you just send me the folder?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 17

#081- “Assignment: Create an ad for business magazines. Target: Readers of those magazines.”
(Client, Area Manager)

#080- “What is this ' ioioio' ?”
(Agency, Owner)

#079- “We’re a serious company. You can’t use the international symbol of the vagina on the cover.”
(Client, Area Manager, looking at the image of two hands framing a photo)

#078- “I don’t get paid for thinking.”
(Agency, Art Director)

#077- “Thinking in vain, that’s our business.”
(Agency, Account Director)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 16

#076- “What are you doing?” – “I’m conjuring good vibes for today’s presentation.”
(Agency’s owner, answering to an employee who saw him walking around burning incense.)

#075- “I don’t get this estimate. You wrote 4-color printing and I want more colors. With only 4 we’ll get nowhere.”
(Client, Manager)

#074- “Guys! Good news! We have HIV!”
(Agency, Account Director, announcing that a spot would be filmed in HD.)

#073- “You guys do offline work too?” - “No, only web.” - “OK, anyway do everything so we can use it in the Internet and in print too.”
(Agency, Content Coordinator, talking to web designers.)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 15

#072- “Here’s the brief to do the ´screen server´”
(Agency, Account Executive, asking for a screensaver.)

#071- “Did you burn the CDs I asked for?” - “Not yet.” - (sighs) “Some day I’ll have the agency I want.”
(Agency, owner, asking a creative to burn music CDs.)

#070- “Guys, this week it’s your turn to come up with ideas for Channel X. There’s no brief for a brand or product, but they need ideas for sales during the summer. Some possible products: Air conditioner, sun tan lotion, hair and skin care products, ice cream, sodas, mineral water, beer… If you can think of more products, great. There’s not a date set for the presentation, but they want it quickly, so bring ideas on Friday or Monday so we can present on Tuesday or Wednesday.”
(Media, Manager, briefing.)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 14

#069- “My son is a graphic designer so minimalism follows me.”
(Client, Marketing Manager, looking at an ad.)

#068- “The copy is too small, enlarge it or put it in bold type.” - “It’s already in bold and this is all the space we can use.” - “Well, if you can’t enlarge the text, enlarge the van.”
(Client, Marketing Manager, exchanging e-mails about the plotting of a van.)

#067- “What if we use those ´pop arts´ or banners from that guy…?”
(Agency, Content Manager, confusing ´pop ups´ with Andy Warhol.)

#066- “Can you print this banner but animated?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#065- “The Roadrunner… A despicable human being.”
(Agency, Creative Director, talking about the cartoon.)

#064- “It lacks branding but we can solve that with a voice over saying the name of the brand.”
(Agency, Account Director, commenting on a jingle whose lyrics consist entirely of the name of the brand, sung 7 times, and the word “grapefruit” sung 4 times.)

Monday, October 23, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 13

#063- “I call you because I’m watching the ads with the client and I’ve just realized I don’t understand them either.”
(Agency, Account Executive, calling in the middle of a presentation)

#062- “The Brand Manager thinks this type is too creative. He suggests Arial.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#061- “We still don’t have the right layout. The figures on this piece bring a feeling of emptiness, of absence…”
(Client, referring to silhouettes very similar to the iPod campaign)

#060- “Well, that idea I told you about was approved by the client. I need your help because I still can’t see it.”
(Agency, Creative Director, asking for help from the guy who would direct a spot she created)

#059- “No, don’t place the headline slanted. Can’t you see that psychologically you’re giving the impression that the brand is on its way down?”
(Agency, Art Director, instructing a designer)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 12

#058- “Can you send me the logo?” - “Yes. What size?” - “As big as you can so we can use it for other assignments.” - “How about 70 meters?”
(Agency, conversation between Designer and Account Director)

#057- “I need this color to be the Pantone of the brand.” - “OK. Send it to me.” - “I’ll take a photograph of the ad and send it to you, so you can get it from there.”
(Client, Brand Manager, asking a Designer to do changes in an ad)

#056- “You sent the pictures in low-res and I need them in high-res.” - “True, I did send them in low-res but you have to convert them into high-res. Why don’t you insert the CD in your computer and convert the pictures automatically?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#055- “Look, I’m really short in imagination.”
(Agency, Creative Director, in a meeting with a photographer)

#054- “Those 83 mechanicals I’ve just asked you, I need them between tonight and tomorrow morning.”
(Agency, Account Executive, talking to the Producer)

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 11

#053- “I just thought an idea I saw in New York.”
(Agency, Executive Creative Director)

#052- “Art Directors are not good for thinking.”
(Agency, same Executive Creative Director)

#051- “The client has to send us the material but it’s 7:30 pm already. Is the FTP still there?” - “What do you mean ‘still there’?” - “Well, it’s late. Maybe he left.”
(Agency, Account Director, consulting a Project Manager)

#050- “I just sent a zip with the creative for the banner.” - “I can’t open it.” - “What version of Flash you have? It’s on Flash MX.” - “We have version 6.” - “Then install the plug in from the Macromedia website.” - “I can’t, the system is protected for security purposes. Let’s do something: Why don’t you just send me the banner by fax?”
(Client, talking with Product Manager)

#049- “In the back of the website, I’d like you to include this little headline.”
(Client, Brand Manager)

Friday, October 20, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 10

#048- “Say that again. My toast is crunching.”
(Agency, Creative Director, on the phone with Account Director)

#047- “Which one is the french fries’ torso?”
(Agency, Creative Director, looking at a print ad for burgers)

#046- “When we talked about a multimedia website, I meant one including animations, video and sound, but I want it to weigh less than 30k.”
(Client, Brand Manager)

#045- “No, we’ll save the cost of hosting by putting the website in my laptop. It’s not that heavy after all.”
(Client, Manager, refusing to pay for hosting)

#044- “There are budget limitations. The budget has not been defined yet.”
(Client, Brief received by creatives)

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 9

#043- “The mails aren’t coming. There must be a problem with band broading.”
(Agency, Copywriter, referring to broadband)

#042- “Brief? Why I should I read the brief? Creativity comes from here!”
(Agency, Executive Creative Director, pointing at his intestins)

#041- “I am the client and if I say you have to come here and masturbate me, you have to do it.”
(Client, Marketing Manager, talking to a female Account Executive)

#040- “I want all the agency here right now with Crazy Glue to fix this!”
(Client, same Marketing Manager, when a product display got unstuck)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 8

#039- “Please, I need the design for a circular sticker. Measures: 20 x 40 centimeters.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#038- “Send that logo in Word or in Mac.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#037- “Send that JPG in Illustrator.”
(Agency, Account Assistant)

#036- “Why should I pay you for this ads if I already paid for the outdoor? The creative is the same.”
(Client, Product Manager)

#035- “Guys, I need your help! It’s urgent! This transparency is in RGB or CMYK?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#034- “So we meet at the Photoshop at 3 pm, OK?”
(Client, Product Manager)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 7

#033- “And start thinking about some animations for points of purchase.”
(Client, Area Manager, referring to activations)

#032- “Please, take out that name. It’s very unlikely that only people named like that will use this software.”
(Client, Area Manager; the designer used his name as an example in place of the user’s name)

#031- “You didn’t get the mails because they’re way too heavy. These images are around 400 watts.”
(Client, Area Manager)

#030- “You always send me the layouts too late. I will not approve them like this.” - “But we sent them at 2 pm…” - “Yes, but I arrived at the office at 6 pm!”
(Client, Product Manager)

#029- “This is urgent. I need to see the creative now. Put the print ad in a storyboard and that’s it.”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

Monday, October 16, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 6

#028- “When do you want to see the ideas?” - “You didn’t get it! I didn’t ask for ideas, I asked for concepts! C-o-n-c-e-p-t-s!!”
(Client, Marketing Manager)

#027- “In order to do the layout, you’ll need the Word document in high resolution, right?”
(Agency, Account Assistant)

#026- “Please get me a camera now, I have to do a screen shot.”
(Agency, Executive Creative Director)

#025- “Problem: The bank is losing many of its retired clients. The main reason for this is their death. Objective: get those clients back.”
(Agency, extracted from a brief)

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 5

#024- “The sponsor’s logo, where do you want it to link?” - “Site A and site B.” - “No, we can’t make it link with two places.” - “Exactly. That’s why clicking on the logo you should be able to go to site A or site B.”

#023- “Hi, I want you to tell me what do I have to do, because I don’t know what the fuck is a browser. I’ll go to your office so you can explain it to me.”
(Agency, Account Supervisor, when told to drag an animated GIF to a browser)

#022- “I can’t see the website, it shows me an error.” - “What kind of error?” - “It says ‘no connection’.” - “Why don’t you try connecting to the Internet?” - “I can’t. I don’t have Internet access here.”
(Agency, Account Executive on the phone from her home)

#021- “Start putting the ad together, leaving black holes so we can place shots an audio afterwards.”
(Client, Brand Manager, asking for a TV spot)

Friday, October 13, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 4

#020- “OK, this is the shot of the snail. It takes out its little horns pero it shies away and puts them back in the shell, like in doubt.” - “So the snail acts?” - “Yes!!”
(Agency, Creative Director, discussing a TV spot with the director)

#019- “It’s great, we only need the sound of the gnocchi falling on the plate. Did you get that?”
(Creative, consulting the audio operator)

#018- “Buying the products of the promotion, you participate in the promotion.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#017- “Look for another, simpler headline. They don’t want too much creativity.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#016- “The penetration of tampons is approximately 30%.”
(Agency, extracted from a brief)

Thursday, October 12, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 3

#015- “There’s a little spot on the HTML.” - “Where?” - “Between the pictures and the description. I move around the little arrow and the spot stays there. Is it a mistake in the HTML code?” - “I don’t know about a spot, it’s very strange. Maybe your monitor is dirty?” - “Oh, yes! You’re a genius!”
(Client, Brand Manager, on the phone with designer)

#014- “Hi, I’m calling because I need to know how many newspapers you’ll print this Sunday.” - “Why do you need to know that?” - “I have to print my ads and send them to you.”
(Agency, Account Assistant)

#013- “Send me the photo in curves.”

#012- “Mmmhh… I don’t know, it’s like the white is too pale.”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#011- “Can you do this ad? It’s urgent, I need it in 15 minutes. It’s just an adaptation.” - “OK, what are the measures?” - “Well, you know the full page ad? Make it 25 x 4 centimeters. Thank you!”
(Agency, Account Executive)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 2

#010- “It’s very good! Very understandable. I showed it to the call center girls and they liked it, so it’s OK!”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#009- “No, the chef idea doesn’t convince me. In Puerto Rico they don’t know what is a chef.”
(Client, Regional Brand Manager)

#008- “See, now it looks fine. Now I really want to fuck this product.”
(Client, Brand Manager)

#007- “I need to know whether these logos, made in Illustrator, have enough resolution for printing.”
(Agency, Account Supervisor)

#006- “The last line in the copy regarding the offer, is in bold type. We should change that. The offer is not really that spectacular.”
(Client, Area Manager)

Monday, October 09, 2006

I need it 4 yesterday - delivery 1

#005- “When you come to the meeting, could you bring that ‘Mastone’ thing for colors?”
(Agency, Brand Executive, meaning Pantone)

#004- “Keep these pastel colors, but add more contrast to them.”
(Client, Brand Manager)

#003- “This ad has been approved. Can you adapt it to print in a pen?”
(Agency, Account Executive)

#002- “Well, actually, we have to say this but without saying it.”
(Agency, Account Executive, briefing)

#001- “This print ad must be a mix between what is there and what is not there.”
(Agency, Account Supervisor)